HOW TO TELL THE KIDS

Your relationship is coming apart and you're stressed out. Your children may already have heard you and your spouse fighting and throwing the “D” word around.  You realize that sooner or later you will have to face your children and let them know what's going on. Here's what we advise parents who are separating to do:

If you're at the point where you need to tell your children about your divorce, keep these ideas in mind during your first few conversations with the kids:

• Both parents tell the child(ren) together, at the same time, whenever possible;

• Offer clear, honest explanations. Avoid elaborate details of your marital problems (i.e. affairs, sexual problems, mental issues, etc.);

• It’s best to present divorce as a serious decision made after considerable thought, but with sadness, reluctance and sorrow for the pain it causes the child and family;

• Focus on what will happen to each child, describe basic changes (i.e. living arrangements, financial changes, time with the other parent);

• Know before you talk with the children what will happen next. Children need to concrete details-where will I live, when will I see each parent, will I go to the same school, etc.;

• Assure your child he/she will be told of all major developments and changes;

• Extend an invitation to your child to make suggestions that will be considered;

• Stress that your child is not responsible for the divorce, but that this is an issue between the adults;

• Reassure your child that the divorce does not weaken the bond between the parent and the child;

• Give your child permission to love both parents;

• Give your child a time frame of the divorce and expected changes;

• Give your child clear sense of an established place in each parent’s home whenever possible (i.e. his/her own room, place for toys, clothing, toiletries, etc.).

• Avoid all discussion of the litigation except in general terms with your child(ren).  Never mention what the judge said, or that a parent will be in trouble, etc.;

• It is important that the child(ren) understand that parents have a cohesive plan to address ongoing concerns and issues, as well as disciplinary rules;

• It is important to continue to co-parent in a steadfast and agreed-upon manner, in order to avoid the child playing one parent against another.

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Laing & Weicholz, P.L. is located in Boca Raton, Palm Beach County, Florida.  We serve all of South Florida, including Broward, Dade and Palm Beach Counties and provide family law legal representation for: divorce, relocation, child support, child custody, visitation, time sharing, child abuse, domestic violence, procuring and defending restraining orders, paternity suits, ante-nuptial agreements and post-nuptial agreements.

Call (561) 416-1818 to schedule a free consultation today.